Stream of Thought

There’s a lot of feelings going on right now. I’ll try to list them out in some form of coherent statements.

I think the biggest feeling is of this sense of loneliness. This time around, there’s no Donlon to prop me up. There are no funny RAs, or great roommate/neighbors to talk to. This time it is just me. In a small room. In a city I don’t know yet.

There is comfort that quite a few people live close to me, specifically Boston. It’ll be nice to see some people again, but I still think this depression-esque feeling will weigh down on me.

I spent the part of the day not driving to and from storage just watching Netflix. It’s a great distraction, but I need to stop soon. Refocus. This is your life; there is only one.

Also, I keep on getting the sense that time marches on. Brighten is so big now, and my parents are getting older. I’m actually fine doing this, where I come back for break and see them, but I know that will end eventually. Li laoshi is right about this whole thing. The truth can’t hurt, only reveal. I will have to start talking more to my parents now, seeing that grandma is still under the spell of cancer.

There’s also this feeling of helplessness. No matter how hard I train at the gym, I can’t be two people. I can’t lug giant boxes from the storage to the car in one go. That took so much time. Dragging it to the second floor was even tougher.

I can see how people are drawn into going to school near where they live. Sure, the drama follows them, but it’s easy to shake it off. Better yet, find a close friend to move with me.

I guess I should start Tindering… but I’m still uncomfortable with my looks. Ugh.

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