Helplessness

The last three weeks has been terrible in every sense of the word with the outbreak of war in Europe. Even though I’m more than eight time zones way from the action, my anxiety level is through the roof, and has caused my heart rate to spike. Part of the reason is that I have absolutely no control over the situation. Nothing I do can effect the news.

I think one indication of maturity level is how one handles helplessness. As my world opened up while aging, there’s more and more things which I can’t change. The way I fundamentally look, the way mustard taste, the way someone else feels about you. And now, the way global geopolitics is shaping up for the foreseeable future.

My approach right now is best encapsulated by Vonnegut’s “so it goes.” It’s okay to be frustrated at what’s going on. In fact, one should absolutely be aghast at what’s happening to the climate crisis, Ukraine war, the pandemic… but alas, what can I do besides my little part?

It’s odd how I think about this right now. Perhaps it’s a strategy to deal with overwhelming anxiety, but I always believed that I have an internal locus of control. I firmly believe that my future is under my control, but having moved to ABQ, home of a nuclear lab, I fully realized that if nuclear war were to break out, I would be incinerated instantly. Furthermore, there’s also issues of health in my family that I can’t control. It just sucks that as we age, chaos increasingly dominates our life and helplessness goes up.

So it goes.

 

Hitting the Slopes

I recently had an epitome the other day: having fun skiing entails skiing less.

Ski Santa Fe

The logic is simple. A tired skier is an unhappy skier. A tired skier is a an injury-prone skier. A tired skier is a miserable skier.

Another particular benefit of skiing less is I can save money, since many ski parks offer half-day passes for a discount. By only opting for the afternoon session, I also get to experience a warmer day with less crowds since après ski tend to set in around lunch time. There’s also the fact that I could sleep in more, and not contend with the early morning rush.

I finally understand less is more now.

My Castle

Nowadays, home is not only where the heart is, but also where my office is. I spend over twenty one hours per day on average inside the confines of the four walls. This is partly why I splurged for the two bedroom instead of the one, and why I’ve been sort of obsessing over air quality recently.

Ever since college, I’ve developed some sort of allergic reaction whenever I visit my parent’s house in Florida. I’m convinced it’s due to some sort of ragweed floating around, or the sudden changes in stress leads to a floundering immune system. When there’s nobody around, I just stuck tissues up my nose… luckily, my sinus passage has so far enjoyed New Mexico… for the most part.

I’ve noticed in the afternoons that my nose are constantly flared, and that repeated vacuuming of my carpets still leads to large amounts of dust piling in the bin. The rays of sunshine streaming into my apartments laid bare the amount of dust floating around. It makes sense; the dust comes from, well, the twenty one hours I spend at home and the fact that the dry, high desert environment readily kicks up the sand and particulates from the ground. Since no home is sealed, those little particulate matter diffuse into my castle.

Ever since I got my Airmega 200M air purifier, that nose flaring has gone away for the most part. A side effect is that I have to dust my home less with that HEPA filter running. It has also made me more aware of the effects on indoor air quality of cooking and vacuuming. The filter plus my humidifier really makes my indoor air quality much better. This translates to a happier Marshall.

Now, I’m concerned about my water quality…

RAS syndrome

Tommy was really excited about his new store. Ever since he was in high school, he had an unusual fondness for antiques. Whether it be the history of the chair, or the lost art of a hand-crafted mortise and tenon joint, he didn’t know or care. He just knew that he liked antiques.

The store was a labor of love, and took hours comprising of locating an appropriate retail location to securing the bank loans. Unfortunately, the literal pay off after the grand opening was non-existent. It was due to the fact that he opened Tommy’s Antiques during the 1970s downturn. People didn’t have that much money, and those that did wanted to spend it on new mass manufactured crap instead. Those unrefined new money he would grovel under his breath.

One day, while looking for new income streams, Tommy noticed a new fangled ad for an “ATM.” A machine which can dispense cash, freeing the consumer from the shackles of bank hours. Unbeknownst to Tommy, the arrival of ATMs marked a tectonic shift in the banking industry. But Tommy just saw the immediate profit potential of owning a machine, and placed an order.

The wait for the delivery and setup wasn’t too long. In the meantime, Tommy ran into another problem, how does one advertise the fact that he now owns an ATM? Often, the easiest solution is the most effective and so he decided to place a placard in the median of Menaul boulevard with the simple phrase “ATM” and an arrow.

The advertisement worked. People came in to see the new gizmo on the weekend, and also realized the beauty of the furnitures. Tommy’s business bloomed from the passive traffic generated by the ATM and he eventually sold the store to a couple when the arthritis started effecting his store keeping duties.

To this day, that placard remains on the median.


In response to a placard on Menaul blvd that advertises an ATM… in the year 2021.

Parallel Timelines

I probably spent dozens of hours fretting about with my college admission essays. At the time, a good application meant a great college, meaning a great career and a happily ever after. The writing was not an easy process; turns out I really didn’t have that much life experience as a… let me check… seventeen year old boy. Nevertheless, I crafted something that I was relatively proud of.

Eleven years later, I remember nothing about that essay. My mom had to remind me that I actually written about a Chinese idiom. The essay is nowhere to be found on my computer hard drives. A probable victim of the great purges of my Linux reinstalls before I found out about home mounting.

All things considered, I had a decent application process. I got into some nice schools, and proceeded to have a pretty decent life so far. Still, I wonder how much did that essay matter? Would I be as (—insert flattering/demeaning adjective of me here–) if I slacked off? Maybe the Marshall who stayed close to home and went to FSU ultimately found his true calling of inner tube water polo coach.

Maybe the above is a farcical question. The Marshall of eleven years yonder would’ve never slacked off.

Etiquette

Having a big boy job for the first time means that I had access to movers for the first time ever. It’s a luxury, that once experienced, becomes a necessity. I’ve moved around quite a bit in college and grad school, but this past move to Albuquerque is the smoothest ever. There was no need to worry about boxes nor trigger my anxiety by driving the UHaul with no rearview mirror.

The guys would come in, pack/unload my stuff, and call me “boss.” I’ve never been called “boss” so many times within 2 hours in my life before, and honestly, I was so flattered.

But as a side effect, I just felt… bad for the movers the whole time. Am I supposed to really just stand around while three hard working men are moving my stuff? It just doesn’t really suit me.

Honestly, they need to have a “for you to do” task just for the antsy ones.

“Here’s a box, load up your stupid plates in there. Should take you longer than us to pack up the rest of your house.”

 

 

The Year

During grad school, a tangible indication that I was actually learning things was to note the publication date of the papers I were reading, and actually comprehending a majority of it. From basic analysis with textbooks written and polished to a shine during the 50s-60s, to the fundamentals of numerics written in the 60s and 70s to finally my advisor’s research papers written in the 2000s; it just feels nice to really see that I was growing as a researcher.

I guess part of the reason why PhDs are useful is the fact that I don’t have to “start” over from the basics when learning another topic. Analysis will always be relevant in whatever mathematical field one chooses to dive into, and the intuition developed *should* also carry over.

I guess my point here is that in the span of 3 days, I have learned how to code up PINNs (2015s ish…) using Tensorflow lol. See here. Man, ML is such a new field.

Sock Run

A friend in Providence told me she visited Albuquerque once. Her deepest impression of the Duke City is “the streets are really wide.” Without a doubt, this was probably one of the oddest comment I’ve heard regarding any destination.

“Was it easier to drive?”

“No, it was just really … wide.” But I’ve grown to understand what she meant by it now.

Like most people these days, I simply took to YouTube and became an instant urban planner expert and civil engineer. In particular, the channel Not Just Bikes was especially enlightening.

Without repeating the content of the linked video above, it’s painfully obvious that Albuquerque was built without the pedestrian in mind. While there are sidewalks, the scale of the city is simply larger with huge, empty parking lots placed in front of businesses and crosswalks that cut through at least four lanes of traffic, some 60 feet. Let’s not talk about the zoning issues where the residential areas, with low density housing, are completely separate from businesses.  It just never feel safe, nor fast to walk.

A prime example happened yesterday when I needed to buy some socks. There’s a Dick’s Sporting Good store in the mall right by the hotel I’m staying, approximately half a mile away. I knew the route since I drive past it to the climbing gym, so I know how unfriendly it is to pedestrians.

Shamefully, I drove.

A renaissance fair is just a state fair from a few hundred years ago.

Very much true.

Also, armored combat (e.g. video) is BRUTAL.

Two Updates

I have officially moved to Albuquerque. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve thought this transition is scarier than those in the past. But I’ve had a hard time moving to Providence too; those first couple of weeks were difficult though my classmates alleviated the dread. Same as Ithaca. Same as DC. Same as Budapest.

Moving is just hard in general. Making connections is even harder.


I actually submitted to NYTimes awhile back  a very similar puzzle to the 9/9/2021 theme, and this was their response:

I’m writing in response to your “Metric” 15x submission. With regrets, we are going to pass on this puzzle. Solid work, but unfortunately we recently accepted a puzzle with a very similar theme. That said, wanted to compliment your playful and creative cluing angles, as well as some fun entries in the bonus fill like MAC AND CHEESE, ELECTRIC EELS, SOULMATES and SINE WAVES!

So sorry for the disappointing news this time. Appreciate you giving us a chance to review your puzzle, and hope to see more from you soon!

Here was my (much easier, was envisioning Wednesday) take: https://crosshare.org/crosswords/vvMLFE4CJYs7JPZ4Ulja